Some thoughts before sleeping.

1. I did not want to sleep in the trailer tonight, mostly because these manuscripts I have to read are sitting heavily on my heart and going to the trailer seemed such a far-away place. But to add to that, I remembered that in the trailer my alarm is set to NPR and the for the last (holy shit) MONTH there has been constant escalations in bad news about the oil spill. Waking up in the morning with such a blatant reminder that we, as humans, self-dubbed as the "intelligent" creatures of this earth, seem to be only extremely efficient at destroying it. What a heavy heavy heart I carry for this earth of ours.

2. Earlier today I saw a mattress flopped on the asphalt outside a cemetery gate. this prompted ant trails of thoughts. What if it belonged to someone whose bloodstains were what made it so dirty and dingy? What if that person was now buried in the cemetery, and a lover had decided it was high time said person got their mattress back? What if instead of spending money on coffins, houses for corpses, instead we were just buried in our beds? And how silly, that our coffins will outlast us. How silly that dirty diapers take longer to decompose than this body of ours. We are natural. From the earth and back to it, our bodies return happily to the dirt. Then we go and create all these unnatural things and the earth will not take them back, instead, we die and do not have to watch while the earth suffocates from all the shit we have already deemed as trash.

3. When I am bigger and have my own house, I will hold my own child like I cradle tiny Vivienne and I will turn the TV off (hopefully I will not have one). I will shut the computers down. I will not turn on the radio. I will just sit and cradle this tiny future and listen to all the sounds that this air around me has found. I like how full silence is. I prefer it to sound.

4. I do not understand Love. I do not understand so many things.

5. I have been seeing a lot of ghosts recently. They always startle me, and then disappear before I can see them head on.

6. Becca Roy makes for an excellent house guest.

Comments

  1. lil dog/hot pickle26 May, 2010 12:04

    1. "...and a lover had decided it was high time said person got their mattress back? "
    this is hilarious.

    2. it will be nice for you to hold your own child. and super nice if it is ours.

    3. i do not understand it either. but it is there. how strange of a creature it is. i wonder how it breathes and how many legs it has?

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